Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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