You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
