So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
