I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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