I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
