so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
