the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
