I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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