my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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