overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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