I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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