Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize