I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
