whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
