I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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