So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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