I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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