I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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