Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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