Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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