i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
