Sry I called you an 8
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
