After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize