I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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