Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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