I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
