i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
