dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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