How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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