Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So much rum. So many feels.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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