You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
