All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
