Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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