I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
