i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
