I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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