i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
