at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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