this beer tastes like vomit already
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
