Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
