Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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