Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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