I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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