You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hippo gnu deer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
