this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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