My first STD was from a foam party
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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