Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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