New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
