Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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