Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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