great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
