She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
