We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
