drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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