He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
