i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Four minutes until I can fart!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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