take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
