the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
