I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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