There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
