I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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